The nights are so quiet and long. I sit quietly, alone listening to the sounds of the night wishing the pain would subside and my brain would turn off from it. At least when I am asleep I am mostly at peace and free of the bondage, the pain, constraints, the judgements and aggravation. The night has been my companion for a number of years now, not being able to sleep normally. My husband feels abandoned, alone, often angry as if I am doing this purposely although he rationally knows that is not true. But his emotions say otherwise and who can argue with emotions.
Often I go outside on the deck and look at the stars and listen to the waves and night sounds of sea life moving about. Last night was blessedly cooler with some overcast sky and a light breeze. This summer has been sweltering for us here in the Northwest and unbearably dry so it felt wonderful on my face and arms and I leaned on the railings with my eyes closed for a long time drinking in the coolness on my skin and then I heard it faintly in the distance. An owl calling softly. I listened intently to hear it more and there it was calling and calling my name. Yes my name!
At first I thought I was just imagining things or wanting to hear this and making it up but I kept listening and as sure as the first time it kept calling my name over and over. I listened for what seemed forever but was actually only about ten minutes before it flew elsewhere, and I stayed hoping to hear it again for a long time but it never came back. I eventually went inside getting too chilly without enough on to thwart the cold breeze off the sound.
This past two years has been hell with my illness and I have a few times thought of ending this madness I am going through. Now having this magical moment happen I can only conclude that the Goddess or my Angel sent this to me to shake me some and wake me up to living again. Each of us has an important part to play in this life. I have a reason for living even if being sick for now is part of that and for now I need to help people realize how important they are regardless of how sick they are and that life is precious!
So keep on keeping on. And god bless you for all you go through and have gone through. You are special and unique.