I have often thought about what shape my life represents and flows along, and today it became clear to me that it is a triangle. I spend a bunch of time climbing that slippery steep slope of whatever new task or endeavor or relationship I have decided is imperative and important to have in my life. Sometimes it is months to get to the top and other times it is minutes or hours. But at some point I do usually reach the top.
Sine the Fibromyalgia and Psoriatic Arthritis has come to live in me, climbing the slope is not easy and sometimes I do not make it and have to start over. That is incredibly frustrating if you are used to accomplishing most everything you set out to do! But each failed attempt because of a Fibro flare or arthritic flare shows you that you are not what you were.
It is the grief of that, that knowing you are not what you were, that is so awful. It feels much better to turn a blind eye to that reality. The grief is debilitating. If you let it sink in to your bones and inner core it can destroy “you”. It is important then to focus on the fact that there is still a “you” just different. Sometimes different in a really good way and sometimes a bit sad. But different, not dead. Different, not gone. Just different.
The downward slope of the triangle is a settling in point, a trying on of your success. This is the time to wear and embrace your win of the challenge. Whether it took 1 try or 10 tries to reach the slope down is of no real importance. The important thing is you made it! In spite of your illness and road blocks, you made it!
Then there is the flat, unemotional bar of the bottom of the triangle. The place in between where things are quiet. This is the perfect time to ground yourself. Time to recoup and re-energize. The more time that is spent in this phase the better luck you will have to climb that slope again. You will also be able to share more of the real you after being in this place for awhile. It will feel okay and not a loss of power to share.
The important thing to remember for us all with invisible illnesses, is that the triangle is true for everyone, and everyone has the triangle get taller and steeper as they age. No one gets to skip this part of life unless they die young. Yes, for us with illness it is harder earlier in life and it is painful. And yes many do not recognize our illness or pain and do not understand, but they too, will get to a place where they have to struggle and experience pain and lack of movement, and maybe then they will have the aha moment we wished they had had earlier for us.
I wish you all Blessings, Peace & Light.