Having come through some pretty awful family stuff and health troubles lately I feel at least I am sitting on top of the glass Jar and not inside it for once. This disease makes you feel enough like Sylvia Plath as far as depressed goes, that those rare occasions when you actually manage to slither outside of the void you feel dumped into, you have to celebrate! Important to realize it may not last and wish for it to, so badly, so badly.
Trying to consider how to move forward, changing the whole concept of how I can earn some money and help those who suffer as I do, without causing any pain to myself. One step forward even if it means 3 steps back is still better than none. I will have to wait while I detox from the latest experiment which I was tried on to slow the psoriatic arthritis and which made me quite ill… And I wonder how the hell can I keep up with any kind of business with all this going on….
And then when things are looking up and I get into a good regimen and my fibromyalgia is behaving only to have a family member become my pain for a few days is a reminder that life apparently for me this time around, was not meant to be easy on any level. I often contemplate what exactly I must have done to need to endure all of this and then I feel ashamed at thinking I am enduring anything that bad as the next person is worse off than me…
But enough of this blather as it will surely dump me back inside the bell jar that Sylvia described so precisely…Let me stay outside of that void for at least a little while….just a little while longer….