I knew I hurt… There was no escaping that! But I still managed to drag myself to work most days, although I was missing a growing number of them. My absences grew at a rapid rate the last 2 years of working. My feeling of being an important member of a team, and a valuable player, diminished at about the same rate. I still did not consider myself disabled however. It was not until I was given the actual distinct title by the federal government that it hit me head on.
I spent the first couple of months kind of in shock. Wandering about the house wondering why I was not at work. Also trying to scrape by on no more paychecks. With the economic picture for the past few years I had managed to put money into a IRA at work but not into savings. Unless I wanted to pay a penalty, I was not going to be tapping that any time soon. With no income coming in for 5 months we used up every little bit of extra and then some.
Finally, after 5 months, The official letter arrived and after reading it I realized all of a sudden I was actually, officially, undeniably, “disabled” Wow! When that hit home it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was not useful anymore as far as earning money. I felt like dead weight, an albatross around my partners neck. All of a sudden I was not needed and now what, I guess that means my life is at it’s last stages? But I am only 56 years old!
I wallowed in this reality for a few months. It felt so weird to be “disabled”.
1. (of a person) having a physical or mental condition that limits movements, senses, or activities.
Okay I am limited in my physical movements, yes, mental limitations, I hope not! That does not mean then that I cannot do anything…keep thinking maybe we can find a way out of this black hole…I refuse to be told I am not able anymore.
Finally fighting back at my own mental image of “disabled” I decided I could try to do something. That is how http://www.dancing-bears.net was born. For about 6 months now I have been attempting to make some products that would help folks like myself feel better. Something natural that would feel good and ease pain. I have made a number of different things, many that feel wonderful on painful areas. Lavender rice & flax bags that can be microwaved and put on the area to ease pain. As well as many other fun products like tie dye, double strength Madagascar vanilla, tie dye shirts, bandannas and aprons. Valerian extract to help us fall asleep because many with Fibromyalgia have serious sleep disturbances.
So now I have all these products and only a straggling order here and there because I have tried ads with Google, Twitter, Facebook but do not get much from them because I have little money. My budget at this point is nil and I am unsure how to move forward. But if I have gotten anything from this experience it is to know I AM ABLED!